Stamford Voters: Vulnerable to Bake Sales and Election Fraud

We put a lot of trust in voters. Not only do we let them choose our leaders, we let them enter school buildings full of children. In exchange for that trust, we make them feel guilty if they don't buy muffins.

Stamford schools stayed open Tuesday as voting took place in gyms and cafeterias. I was a little freaked out that I had to wander the halls with middle schoolers to find the polls, but the Advocate headline sounded optimistic: "Classes continue during voting; parking problems reported."

Parking problems, I understand that… but there were other, far more bizarre problems that I’ll gleefully share with you.

The Advocate article says: “Signs and volunteers directed voters to voting, often to school cafeterias or gymnasiums closed to students for the day.”

There weren’t signs where I entered the parking lot. (Were they not expecting any voters to approach from the south?) There were no volunteers, just teachers who didn’t seem phased to see a confused-looking stranger… dressed all in black with a puffy coat perfect for concealing a weapon. Maybe I looked like a student; they were all wearing big coats, too.

I made it through the hallways without incident. It’s a good thing I was at a middle school, where awkward teens don’t give a crap about adults. If I were at an elementary school, I would have had to deal with bake sales and field trips. Listen to these hassles:

“The election also was a good learning opportunity for some students. At K.T. Murphy Elementary School in the Cove, the polling site for District 8, some students got to see voting in action.
"We even had a third-grade class come in for about half an hour," said Chuck Alfini, the site's moderator, pointing to a thank you note the class had left.”

I’m sure those kids were super-cute, but should voters really have to face a bunch of 8 year olds when they’re trying to exercise their mundane basic rights? I don’t see why voters were fair game for the whims of teachers.

The article also mentions that some parents ran a bake sale:

“Voter traffic was good for some enterprising Wolfpit PTO parents, who held a bake sale outside the gym doors yesterday. Parents were ready with breakfast food at 6 a.m. for the opening of polls and had their tables restocked with fruit, yogurt and cupcakes for the afternoon pickup rush.”

I like snacks, but should voters-- the people who bother to register, pay attention to the card in the mail, locate the polling place, and find a time to go before or after work-- have to serve as a captive market for schools wanting to make a quick buck?

If adults can sell cupcakes, can the Girl Scouts show up, or kids selling candy for the basketball team or magazines for school fundraisers, or…. can I pass out my business cards attached to little baggies of M & Ms?

Where’s the limit?

I know Chelsea Clinton can’t chat up voters, but is everyone except campaigners welcome? Who exactly is allowed to peddle their wares or loiter outside the gym doors?

I’m not being sarcastic. I really want to know the rules. If voting is supposed to be like a big carnival, cool. Next time, I’ll bring the lattes, you bring the folding chairs, we’ll buy some muffins and people-watch! I just hope no creepy middle-aged men show up to sit and watch young children.

But you know, maybe we don’t want a party atmosphere at the polls. Maybe voting officials shouldn’t be distracted, because… know what?

I totally could have grabbed a few more ballots and slid them in the box. No one was watching me that closely when I put my ballot in. I know, because I was trying to make conversation, and the voting monitors didn’t meet my eyes. They were looking toward the gym doors. I didn’t see a bake sale, but there was a cute cop. I could have squeezed four ballots really tightly to make them look like one.

This bake sale debacle might be the reminder we need to get serious about voting. Signs should be clear, people should watch me more closely, and voters should get free baked goods.