Monday, November 3, 2008

Meeting a Mate in the FC

Enough about politics! Let's talk about love and marriage in the FC. Before those 2 things, you have to meet the right person. That ain't easy. Take it from me. I endured 6 years of FC dating hell before I met my husband. It can be difficult to meet a mate in the FC. That's why I'm posting about it: I need readers to add tips to the few that I have. Let's pool our knowledge.

First, why is it so hard to meet a mate in the FC?
1. There aren't that many social gathering places besides bars. Bars are loud, and people tend to go in groups and not talk to other groups. Also, alcohol makes quality interactions less likely.
2. This is the suburbs. A lot of people are already married, so single people have fewer friends to go out with. Everyone knows that married people just sit at home.
3. I'm not really sure why else. I think many of us are complicated over-achievers with way too high standards.

My tips for meeting a mate:
1. Do go out to bars, even if it sucks. It's good practice talking to people. Try a fun bar like Tigin on a Tuesday, when Trivia is happening. I meet boatloads of people when I go to Trivia, but it's the single people who should be working it, not me. I look around at all the UBS dudes at the bar at Tigin and think, where the hell are the single ladies who should be all over them?
2. Work your connections. Don't be shy. Let your older coworkers know that you are dating; they might hook you up.
3. I've met nice friends on You could probably meet a mate through that.
4. Fairfield County Happy Hour Club!
5. Understand the role of chance, and get your ass out there. My friend once met a nice guy in an elevator at the Greenwich Library. She was checking out kids' books, he was studying for some accounting test. They were a bad match, but he was a good guy. The "friend" is actually me, but I don't want to talk about old boyfriends in front of my husband- even though he recently told me he usually only reads the beginnings of my posts, so who knows if he'll even read this far.

The "get your ass out there" method works. I met my husband randomly through a roommate of mine who neither of us was very good friends with. The roomie invited a bunch of people out for lunch after a business school test she was taking. I had nothing to do, so figured I might as well have lunch with her before going to the gym. One man showed up, a guy she'd met out at the bars through a guy we'll call "The Baker." My soon-to-be boyfriend/husband was The Baker's neighbor, and he had gone out with The Baker a few times. See why it's important to go out? If my husband had not gone out to lame Stamford bars with his neighbor, we never would have met. Also, if my husband and I had been lazy and not gone out for a possibly lame lunch, we never would have met. That's freaking scary. (Photo: The happy couple, in photobooth with "rollercoaster" background. I'm trying to make my husband wave his arms like he's on a rollercoaster. As usual, he tries to play it cool.)

Essentially, I'm telling you that you have to endure hell and loneliness to meet people in the FC, but that it should pay off in the end. If you can't wait a few years, move to Boston or NYC.

Related Stamford Talk posts:
--June 2008-- Socializing Opps with FC Happy Hour Club
--February 2008-- The Best Way to Meet People in Stamford!
--January 2008-- Stamford's Single Women: Where Are You?
--August 2007-- It's Easy to Meet People at Tuesday Trivia


Anonymous said...

A friend of mine..laste 20's at the time lived in Greewich and Stamford over 5yrs...RARELY dated any women even though he was out 2-3 nights a week. Moved to NYC for a year and had nights were he had to pick whch one to bring home.

Young people...move to the city please. Do yourself a HUGE favor. Live in a cramped apartment with 4 roommates but do it. Don't waste away your youth like I did. (I amde out alright in the end..found a wonderful spouse..not in FC)

Anonymous said...

ah... it's like you read my mind with this post. i moved to stamford about three months ago and find it difficult to meet anyone- much less people to date. i am a little shy-definitely not one to just start talking to people in bars- and my couple close friends don't live around here. i think making new friends as a adult (to then go out with and try to meet men~ heehee) is pretty hard too. i would love a "meet other nice, down to earth girls to go out with while simultaneously pushing each other to strike up conversation with that guy drinking the beer" meet up group. didn't mean to create such a depressing post :).. maybe just too many nights at home with my computer! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm a normal, single lady with not many single gal friends, also looking for more single friends to hit the town (in a gentle way) with! Maybe we should make a "friends' date" and meet up at Tigin at the next Trivia night, what do you think, Anonymous #2?

Melina said...

whats the age group of the Tigen thing? What of the singles folks who are in their late 30's to 40's? I have lots of newly divorced friends and single moms who are just running all the time.
Whats funny is that if you go on in the stamford zip codes you will inevitably see not only the same serial daters and your friend's ex's over and over. I recently looked from the upper west side of manhattan with the same mileage, so there are people as far away as stamford, and I got a whole different crop of people who are maybe based in westchester or the city but are looking in a wider range of areas. The city is no guarantee to meet anyone...I find it almost harder here because people are more guarded. Ive become much more chatty and open afterliving up there for 15 years (Im from Brooklyn and lived in the city most of my life, so I know whereof I speak,)but people here dont necessarily like that.
Also, the place where I am...well, even the places where I used ot be like the village, are all full of rich europeans. There are very few of the old time new yorkers around anymore. People who do well enough to make it here work incredible long hours, and people who are out at bars alot are probably not making it all so well...or its very hit and miss...luck, like K said....
I think that the thing is worthwhile if youve got the stamina (which I dont really,) and if you check other areas and try to import!
most new yorkers would love to have a nice country-ish, small townish place to visit on weekends....but its a commuter relationship, so you have to be up for that before you choose your area.
I think I may be destined ot be single until Im older because I have a teen and a 98 year old...and Im just so damned happy when I get to be home with the chickens (had to ship most of the roosters away because of noise...K we must do a followup!)
and Im so happy to just putter around that its hard to think of all the initial stuff involved in getting to the point of puttering around with someone else! I wish I could jus import and install a mail order significant other! But then there is all that personality stuff to deal with...

Hey, Lord and Taylor is hiring for christmas bout a part time job to meet people? The men's department is bound to get some traffic...or perfume, jewelry...right?
If I had the time, I would love that!

Anonymous said...

anonymous #3~ how weird is this... potentially making new friends via blog posts... ST would be over the moon with excitement... haha. i would totally be into a "friends' date"- either at tigin or meeting for coffee, etc. not sure best way to maybe get together.. i am not into posting my phone # or email address on a blog... let me know what you think! and have a good weekend. :)

Anonymous said...

what about attending happy hour at a more upscale place where the men are workaholics and too busy to get out into the bar mortons under UBS or Lescale.
Just a thought..I'm married though, but I always see single men at these establishments

Sarah said...

I know it's not for everyone, but I met a great guy on a dating site (OKCupid) and have been dating him since January. If you haven't given the internets a shot for matchmaking, go for it! :)

Anonymous said...

anonymous #2 - this is totally weird, but what the heck! I feel the same way about posting my phone number or email address on a blog, but I really do want to make new friends...and hey, I might know someone nice for you and vice versa. How do we get around the obstacle of internet shyness? Coffee would be great.

Anonymous said...

anonymous #3... ah, perfect for setting up email addresses that don't use your name like work ones do... :) shoot me an email at and we'll meet up for coffee- or maybe an actual drink.

Anonymous said...

anonymous #2 - check your aol account - if this works out we'll have to report back to ST :)